A fictional narrative of a non-fictional life.
Chest on Fire
Anger and guilt plague my conscience. What do you do when the world is falling down around you like the leaves of a thousand trees. My orchard of tears fall as I contemplate the decisions that I have to make. I go to work, and spend the better majority of it regretting the return trip home, knowing that when I get there, i will once again deal with the problems that rot my soul. The tension growing deep inside of me swells my chest to the point of bursting. My chest ignites.
I drive into the night, with out the lack of lights or an ironic similarity, direction. I lose myself once again in a clarity of thoughts, until i round the corner and drift down the street where i reside. I open the door, and the thoughts of clarity and space and freedom vanish swiftly. I twist the knob and I die a little inside. I walk upstairs and retreat to my room. Every night i die in my darkness, my cave of thought and regret and anger. Now, my pity stains my clothes for ones who once were but never can be again. My knuckle splits and throbs with each keystroke of relief.
My conscious clears with my poetry of rhetoric. This is my therapy, my page of thoughts. My heart bleeds deeply for those who are gone, lost, to the avoidance of friendship, which I can only do my best to flee from. I apologize if i have wronged the pillars of my life. But to those who remain, …the few who remain. I appreciate everything. You are my smiles and my reason to try. My crutches. Finally, i will leave you with a verse from a song that i know, which can better describe me in simple paragraphs that i have exiled to this digital parchment. I banish them forever.
“And he tells everyone a story,
Cause he thinks his life is boring
And he fights so you won’t ignore him,
Cause that’s his biggest fear
And he cries, but you’ll rarely see him do it
And he loves but he’s scared to use it
So he hides behind the music
Cause he likes it that way
And he knows, he’s so much more than worthless
He needs to find the surface
Cause he’s starting to get nervous”